Showing posts from November, 2017

Go! Run!

Recently, I stopped attending the church that I've focused so much of my life on for well over a decade. It made no sense. I help in a bunch of little, fulfilling ways, and I didn't really want to go at first. Well, after God told me to go, I asked my husband and my mother-in-law for their opinions. Of course, it made no sense to them, either. So, I shook it away, like a stray thought.

Fast forward a few years. Yes, years. I held on for far longer than I should have because it simply made no sense to me. But over the past two years, I have bumped up against a ton of walls. Everything seemed to tell me that I was in the wrong place. I felt so tired. Everything just seemed to go wrong. Yet, now I felt stuck. You see, I had asked the opinions of other people, and they were certain that I was wrong. So, if I go now, I'm going in opposition to their advice.

Now, I am going to explain a little more about my story. It's not just a church, but a family effort. My entire family…

My Jewels

This afternoon, I’m more aware than ever of the richness of my life. During our entire marriage, I think we lived 6 to 8 years above the poverty level, and even then, we always seemed to be struggling financially. We’ve always been technically poor. We’ve never had an excess of money. But oh, we’ve had joy! I need to put it into context for you. You know when you run out of toilet paper and you have to make do with napkins until payday? Well, we spent whole years with neither napkins nor toilet paper. No, we didn’t have paper towels. Coffee filters could be awfully convenient at times like those, since we were out of coffee, too. Might as well put them to good use. Are you getting a clearer picture? I’ve never been open about this online because it makes us uncomfortable to share such details. During those scarce years, I took my 3 year old daughter into a friend’s beautifully appointed bathroom once and she shouted, “Look, mom!” I thought she’d exclaim about the thick towels with…

Wrecked but Trying

I feel like a fake. I haven't arrived even close to the face that I portray. You see, I can use big words. I can talk about the right path to take. I can begin doing the right things. But I have never consistently done the right things. I freeze. My whole being goes into a sort of suspended animation, a hibernation of the soul. During those times, I sit on my couch, watch TV, and give up on trying hard. This is my usual existence. I do almost nothing. Other people help me clean. Or the mess stays. Other people feed the family. Other people help with laundry. And I sit. 

Okay, usually, I do the laundry myself. And the dishes. I even prepare food for the helpless ones in the house. I cover diaper duty and midnight feedings. But boy I'll tell you that I stick to doing just the bare minimum.

I get stuck just like my car. In a traffic jam, the car has gas, is in good working order, and is fully capable of accomplishing its purpose of providing transportation. Like that traffic jamm…