Posts

Showing posts from October, 2016

Fear and Love

Today, I am dealing with overwhelming anxiety at 4:00 in the morning. It's really late. I've been up since about 1:00am, and I'm really tired. Yet, I cannot sleep.

I'm not the up-all-night type of girl. For example, when my husband was having chest pains and I thought that he might be dying, but he refused to go to the hospital, I went to sleep. I reasoned that later on that night, once he finally decided to head to the hospital, I'd need all the strength and focus I could get, so i slept until he woke me up to go to the hospital.

There is nothing I can do tonight to remedy the situation. In fact, sleeplessness would only make the entire thing worse. I'm heading into an emotionally turbulent situation where I'm likely to lose control, and I know that extra sleep is what I need, not less of it. But what am I doing? I'm wide awake.

I'm so sad. Even though I have a really awesome life, and my connection with God is strong, there are things beyond my co…

Free to Fly: A Defense of the Single Life

When I was 15 years old, the biggest tragedy of my life was that I felt alone and disconnected. I wanted a boyfriend with all my heart. I longed for a romance that would begin right then and last until the end of time. I don't know if you have ever felt such a longing, but for me, it was everything. Every book I read, and there were a lot of them, and every program I chose to watch on television had a happy ending with the girl finding herself in the loving arms of some guy who had started out gruff or mean, but ended up having a heart of gold. You've seen that story. I tried so hard to live it. Thankfully, however, I ended up with a wonderful husband without all the gruffness and ignoble character traits that were so popular during my teenage years. And thankfully, God didn't give him to me at 15. Sadly, the poor guy was stuck with me from 16 years of age and on, and he's still stuck with me today. 
We married a week after my 18th birthday, and within 3 months of our …