Dating Looks Like Insanity at Times

Remember when you were told as a young woman not to reveal everything to a guy, to retain an air of mystery about yourself? He would find it irresistible, we were told. He would chase us all the harder for that unique hidden gem that we wouldn't reveal until just the right moment. But in reality, though it may or may not have worked for you, I find that mystery sometimes just looks like mental illness.

Now, hold on for a minute. Bear with me. But look at it from the outside. One day, we're holding hands and smiling at one another. But oops, we need to retain that mystery, so next time, we're pulling away and running a little ahead on the path. When he asks what's wrong, we say "nothing." Later, when it's time to eat, we're not very hungry, and we nibble on fries and a shake while our stomachs rumble quietly within, starved. Don't we look crazy? I know that I probably did.

Why do people go to psychiatrists? They have an eating disorder. They can't be consistent in their thoughts and motives. They don't know what they want, and they can't clearly express it when things go wrong. Yup, we're teaching our girls to seem mentally off somehow. And then we wonder why it was so easy for Rochester in Jane Eyre to fall for his first wife. She looked like every other girl out there -- flaky and inconsistent. Plus, she was beautiful. Why not choose her?

What's the take-away from this? Maybe all girls are going to play the game. Maybe all guys will enjoy the thrill of the chase. But in the rest of your life, be the kind of person who is consistently kind, trustworthy, and genuine. Make that your goal. That way, when he asks around, he won't run the other way. You'll have the kind of reputation that attracts a man not just during the chase, but forever. A woman he can trust to stand by him during the hard times.

What if you are the guy? Well, I'd say look deeper. My wonderful husband, Rudy, had no idea what hit him when he married me. I was a total flake. Sure, I've become a generally good wife to him, and he's probably happy now. However, he might have backed off and thought harder before he jumped into a relationship with me. He might have waited a few years for me to mature before we tied the knot. He might have asked me to get some counseling first. Goodness, that might have been a huge help to my twisted little psyche, because when I married that good, decent man, I was an emotional mess.

I believe that God has chosen to use me despite my flaws. In fact, I think that my flaws make me particularly usable. I'm not a teacher or an inspirer for those who have it all together. They don't need me. But some people know that just under the surface they need a lot of help, and I believe that they'll benefit from uncovering all that mess and getting to work on fixing it. I'm here to say that it is worth the effort. I did the hard work in my own life. I also continue to do the work, and God is doing amazing new things in my heart and in my life. I'm not all repaired, but the improvement is a lovely thing to see as it unfolds.

God has an amazing plan for you. He promised me that, and though not all of what I thought I'd like to see happen in my life have occurred, the best parts have. I still don't have a maid, but I've learned to handle most of my messes myself. I don't have total self-control, but watching me struggle to overcome has inspired my kids to be more disciplined than they might otherwise have been. My failures and faults have spurred them on to bigger and better things, and my kids have become the kind of people I still dream of becoming.

I'm not the spiritual giant that I wanted to be, one worthy of bragging about her conquests for Jesus, but I'm a woman who dreams of one day staring into His face and hearing him say, "Well done." I imagine him calling me a good egg, because that would be a funny play on words. A well-done egg. But you know what?

Whatever happens on that day, I'll be thrilled just to have made it through those gates. Because deep down, I know how unworthy I am. And I know that you probably feel unworthy at times, too. It's okay, because the Great Physician came for the sick, and as long we I know that we need Him, he'll be on call to help us through.

God bless all of you. Why do I say that? Because while most people say they'll take all the luck they they can get, I prefer to rely on getting all the blessings I can. The Lord bless you, and may he bless me, too. It's the best thing there is in the world. I love you. God knows you, even if I don't know you personally. and because He likes you and put these words into your hands, I know you're a good egg. One worthy of love. So I love you. (Ewww, not that kind, in case you're a middle schooler. The love that causes someone to pray for you, to hope good things for you, and the kind of love that makes a person smile when they publish this blog for you.)


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